...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
