awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
