I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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