4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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