some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
