On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
