thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
