I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
