I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize