Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
