That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
