I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
