I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
