so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
