well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
