i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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