So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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