did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
