I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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