Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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