I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
