Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i love accidental penises.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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