how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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