I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
