I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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