Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
