Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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