end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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