my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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