I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize