at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
