Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
