The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
