Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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