If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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