I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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