its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
