It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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