do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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