Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
