I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
