You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
