..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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