I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize