i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
