I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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