how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
false alarm, still single
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
