Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
