I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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