fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
