If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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