I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
