Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am available for nakedness
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
