is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
