ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
