The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
