Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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