I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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