you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
