wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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