My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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