I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
