Michael Bay diarrhea
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
