I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
