I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
