Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
