In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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