I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
