but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
