i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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