proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
