He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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