In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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