i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Panties = found
Randomize
