these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
