didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
