i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
