I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
