Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

Fav 25 1340 3276
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(248): View more from Michigan

i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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(260): View more from Indiana

3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella

(1-260): View more from Indiana

I've never been more proud of you

Fav 20 5973 904
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(479): View more from Arkansas

You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

Fav 5 4404 1115
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

Fav 6 2304 951
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(518): View more from New York

Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.

Fav 8 994 1479
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.

Fav 4 1548 652
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.

Fav 0 84 21
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