I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
