Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
