If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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