whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
