if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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