I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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