needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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