Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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