have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
